WEIGHT on ME

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This semester has been pretty heavy on me, to say the least. In spite of the fact that my favorite season is officially here (SPRINGGG!!), we’ve had a pretty tough winter (by D.C. standards) which has caused 11 snow days in these here public schools. Now, who wouldn’t love a snow day to cuddle, drink hot chocolate and culminate in a 4-day work week?

Not a girl trying to rack up her clinical hours. I work in an elementary school, my hours are dictated by face to face contact. NO school, no contact, no hours.

The fact that I’m still a little ways away from my 400 hour requirement has been weighing on me all semester. And considering we have about 5 weeks left of school, I’m sort of freaking out although everyone around me (i.e: classmates) is basically chilling because they’ve either reached their hours or don’t know what it feels like to be in my predicament. Well, I’m holding on to faith. I know I will make it, but sometimes it’s hard to see past the number I’m at now.

Besides that, my supervisor is a tough cookie. I mentioned in my last VLOG that she is an older woman, who hasn’t taken an intern in 10 years (red flag). I’ve come to the conclusion that she is one of those people who is never satisfied by other people’s work. Granted, there are areas I need to work on, that’s why I’m still in school! And I know think she wants me to be a good clinician. She’s got that tough exterior, or some may call it tough love. I don’t know if I would call it tough love, because I’m still scratching my head wondering, where is the love?

Maybe I’ve been a little spoiled with positive verbal reinforcement for most of my graduate school clinical placements. Most of the time, I look to be treated the way we are taught to report information to our students’ parents: SAY SOMETHING NICE FIRST! I don’t care if it’s…that’s a nice shirt she’s wearing, you live in ______? That’s awesome! or he is such a well-behaved boy! You don’t flat out start talking about all the negative before saying something positive. Sometimes, I feel like I’m in a battlefield at my site, where every question is an exam and the help offered to me is limited. It has strengthened my belief that everyone is not meant to be a supervisor. I still do not regret the decision, because the bilingual case load I have is valuable and has taught me a lot so far.

But boy, am I tired of carrying the weight.

-She

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7 thoughts on “WEIGHT on ME

  1. Hang in there! You are soooooo close to the finish line. Just think about how easy future sites will be to you because you will be well equipped to deal with challenges :)

  2. Yep, hang in there Trace! Finish strong. I know you’re not worried, cause you perform better under pressure, it seems. And the fact that you appear to have a good indication of where you presently are, and that which needs to be done, shows me that you are gearing up mentally to address these issues.

    I believe I’ve been in this same situation once before. Reason being, I identified with your every word. Also, too funny at what you said about your supervisor having never taken an intern being a red flag. Lol.

  3. Your experience sounds a lot like what I’m going through now with my first clinical practicum. Hang in there! You can do this!! You’ve come so far and you will make it through!

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