“Now I use the word happiness very loosely because happiness is not a place where you can live. It is more like a space we cross through periodically, sometimes more frequently or for longer duration than other times…”
It’s October 7th and I’m sitting on my couch debating on whether I want to cook dinner or pop something ready-made in the oven. My blog has been unfamiliar to me for awhile. Radio silence in August and September. Those are very busy times for school-based therapists. Not only is work gearing up speed, but life also be life-ing. You know what I mean. Life continues to be life- victories, upsetting moments, change of weather, change of mood, we loose daylight, changes, changes, changes. Some more drastic than others.
Fall and spring are two of my favorite seasons, in spite of being born in the summer. Fall reminds me that there’s no place like having a home to call your own. It is about getting cozy on the couch, drinking chai tea latte and baking pumpkin spice cake. It’s a season to prepare for the cold winter, because as we know, winter is coming. Fall is also about taking advantage of what’s left of the year before we usher in resolutions, new intentions, and the realization that “damn! Time flies.”
I’m in another transition time. It’s been stirring for a little while. It’s not comfortable and can be scary to think about, but it’s something I want. There’s more places for me to see in this lifetime, more to do, and the DMV area has been real. I’ve had highs of highs and lows of lows here. I got my Master’s degree, a professional license, life-long mentors, and an experience at an HBCU. I fell in love in all its glory and pain. I got my own apartment. I bought my first 2 cars (not simultaneously, yet.) I have a retirement plan. I’ve developed a love for painting and art. I’ve come to appreciate what this move meant to me, and how it has propelled me into what I consider to be an “adult.” Not only am I proving to myself that I can take care of myself financially, but I’m dedicated to working on my mental health by staying consistently in therapy. That’s my life right now.
Adulting and life-ing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. But today I’m thankful for the support I have around me, those I love and that love me, my career, my passion and my drive. There’s nowhere to go but forward.
It’s Wednesday. But an atypical Wednesday. I am halfway through my vacation in the Outerbanks (OBX), North Carolina. It’s about 6:26 pm. Today, I woke up a little after 8am to make breakfast for about 12 people and then spent most of the day at the beach. I once thought that I couldn’t do the beach for more than 2-3 days in a row but turns out, that isn’t the case. We (B and I and his group of friends) have been here since Saturday and each day the beach offers something different. Different views, different water temperature, different crowds, different vibes. I also have never experienced “beach house” living– wide verandas, outdoor lounge areas, outside showers and a backyard pool complete with a hot tub. It’s been new experiences all around for me. If I were at home, I would be finishing up work and heading home to figure out what’s for dinner and watch TV. I prefer this kind of week much better.
I feel like this was a much needed get-away, as I’ll be going back to work in less than a month. I’m not sure what next school year holds for me, and I’m trying not to think too much about it. My mother comes to visit next week and I’m looking forward to it. Ready to soak up what left of the summer. Here are some pictures of the week so far:
I’m excited to be putting my coloring book to some use again. Since purchasing it in January it’s been sitting in my apartment with half-completed wishes collecting dust. I’ve also started reading Issa Rae’s new(ish) bio, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl. Now I’m reading two books simultaneously which is always hit or miss for me. Well, hope you’re enjoying your last week of July (the best month of all.) Gotta go enjoy the sunlight while it’s still here.
I’m already halfway through the summer “break” (when traditional schools are closed, unless they are in extended school year) and this has been a great time of waking up late, staying up even later, and doing whatever my heart desires. Most days it’s been cleaning, TOO much t.v., sitting poolside working on my tan, small decoration projects around the house, or planning trips. I have yet to post about the Chicago trip (it’s coming!), and this weekend I leave for a week-long beach trip. After that, my mom is coming to visit me in my big-girl apartment (sans roommate) for a couple of days from Florida. I’m geeked about a whole week of being steps away from water. Also, I get to hang out and get to know my boyfriend’s college friends, which we don’t see very often because they live near Richmond, VA.
I think this is the best summer I’ve had in awhile. A summer of part time working, but because I chose to, not because I had to. I have not had a summer “off” since I decided to go back to school 3 years ago. It’s hard getting used to not having anywhere to go in the mornings, and then doing that for about 6 weeks. I don’t know why I feel guilty about staying in bed until midday, or when I have a day of nothing on the To Do list. But I intend to keep sleeping in until I stop feeling guilty about it.🙂
Last year, I didn’t work on my birthday (which fell on a Friday) but I still had to wake up early Saturday to work. This year for the big 3-1, I enjoyed a Sunday picnic with friends on a vineyard in Southern, MD called Running Hare. And we played Scattegories. My ideal day; chicken, friends, board games and chilled wine. I don’t intend to work on my birthday ever again (if I can help it.)
The remainder of the summer is looking great, I have the next 2 weeks off and I intend to be present for them. I want to sign up for some technique dance classes. I have some more de-cluttering to do in my apartment (read: throw out paperwork.) I want to plan for a smooth transition back to work, at a new school with less support than I had my first year. I’m excited to see what population and new school team I will be a part of. I also want to soak up all my well-deserved time off before that countdown back to work. I may or may not get to do more writing until next month, but that’s only because I’m taking doing nothing very serious.
There’s still places to see. I haven’t traveled to Europe, Asia, or Africa. Have a lot more ground to cover.
2. There’s more new foods to try. Along with new places, come new cultures to consume. I’m ready to eat!
3. Someone depends on your smile. May be the least likely person; and your smile does something for them.
4. Your destiny hasn’t been fulfilled yet. Even on the lowest on low days, there’s still an assignment that can only be carried out by you.
5. There’s no one that can do things quite like you. You are really good at making a presentation, teaching, counseling, listening, planning, and making macaroni and cheese. Sure, these things have been done before. But, not quite the way you do them.
6. Each day is full of NEW. We are granted new opportunities, have the chance to try again at something we may have previously failed at. Try again, with more wisdom.
7. The days are not promised to you. We go to bed knowing we will wake up the next day, and the day after that and the day after that. Not always the case. Have to thank God for all the days, even Mondays.
There’s no shortcut through the hard stuff. So stop running from it.
-She (October 26, 2015)
The last 5 days of school/work have been the longest days. I’m trying to be patient and focus on the paperwork+packing I have to finish as I transition out of this school. But I’m so distractible and everyone is annoying me. It’s too nice to be inside!! It’s been a tough week to say the least. But it’s looking up.
Here’s what is currently rockin’ my world:
Last Saturday was the 5 year anniversary of GlobeTracer. I wasn’t compelled to do the handwritten letter I usually do. I didn’t want to force anything. 5 years is a great milestone, I am thankful.
Burning Questions: Why do I want to fast-forward so much? I have to learn how to feel and be in uncomfortable places. It’s not fun, but I don’t gain what I have to when I’m constantly thinking about tomorrow, or the fall. Or 2017. Or when I live somewhere else…
I’m ready to do life with him. Being apart and seeing each other only on the weekend is starting to get to me.
I got a new couch! It’s mine and it’s new and it’s firm. How does one break these things in?
About 2 weeks until Chicago!🙂 First trip of the summer.
Burning Questions: What if I’m not sure what I really want? How do I know when to trust what I want is really what is right?
I got a retirement plan. Talk about #adulting. In 30 years, I’ll be 60 years old? How????
I’ve only read 2 books this year so far, but this summer I’ll do better!
Now it’s your turn!!
Tell me what’s currently rockin’ your world!! If this is your first time here, please say hello!
If you’re a long time reader- what’s something you want to keep reading about on the blog? why?
Looking back in my archives of pictures in my inbox, I got some good laughs at some of the very bold things I did to my hair in my 20’s.
From the shortest hair-chop in 2010:
To my attempt at blonde:
That color did not go well, and I “warmed up” and darkened it the next morning.
I lived the motto: Hair is a silly thing! I found it so freeing, to cut my hair and live my life simply getting used to the face looking back at me: raccoon eyes, big forehead, burgeoning curls, and cheekbones. I discovered eyelash extensions in NYC could take my “minimal make up” look to the next level. I discovered that I had the most confidence the shorter my hair length was. It takes a strong woman to be bold. It takes a confident man to love on that woman, too.
I still find it fun to experiment, but guardedly now. My last cut has not been my favorite to date, but I’ve altered it to where I feel comfortable now. Summer beckons and I got more exciting things to worry think about. I’ve got risks to take in the area of employment, entrepreneurship, and advancing my talk therapy goals. I’ve got places to see, new foods to eat, couches to break-in, trips to plan, wines to try, outfits to arrange, posts to write, word to devour, celebrations to partake in, offers to decline, plans to make, promises to witness.