The “N” Word: Growing Up

​The “N” word is a huge lesson I learned ​coming out of my last work situation/clinical fellowship. I was straight out of grad school, and very eager to begin working. I was living off the last of my student loan money, and had enough rent money to last through July.
Luckily, I had a mentor open her home to me in over-priced thriving D.C. while I secured my Clinical Fellowship position. Still, I was more than impatient through the job hunt process. I can’t even call it a process. It was a one and done. I interviewed with one place and did not want to bother with other interviews, not even for compare/contrast purposes. Dumb. Inexperienced, I know. I was in a desperate situation, however, I now realize I put that pressure on myself.

Negotiation was somewhere in my thoughts, but it wasn’t a pressing matter. Paycheck made the #1 slot. Paycheck satisfied the short term/immediate gratification goal, but I definitely regretted taking that job after knowing that position and all its taxing glory.

..about 7% of women attempted to negotiate, while 57% of men did.
                                                                                              –Forbes Magazine
The quote is taken from an article written for Forbes magazine (via the Daily Muse), highlighting the work of author Linda Babcock who studied gender differences in salary and negotiation habits. 7% vs. 57%…ain’t that about a….? Read that article here. Negotiation is a scary word. It’s even scary to type it with its endless vowels. Not only to me, but to many women according to studies. I’m sure there’s historical reasons for this (*clears throat* institutional sexism) I’m sure there’s a psychological basis for it. I’m just trying to very purposely go against those factors that be.
“The other problem is that women have systematically lower expectations.”
                                                                                            –Forbes Magazine
Me, asking for what I think I’m worth? Me, advocating for myself? Little ol’ me with limited work experience? YES. Ask away, honey.
Even if you don’t get exactly what you asked for, did they budge a bit? Yes? No?
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
You get a “No.” Then you get to decide if that’s a place you’d want to work. If not, it’s as simple as “Thanks for your time.”
Gearing up for this conversation gives me anxiety. Prepping for this conversation involves a script (because really, the art is in the persuasion and I’m perfect for fumbling over words), some guts and some assurance in my voice. I want to remind myself that I’m not trying to get over on anyone, I BE WORTH what I am asking for. A perpetual state. But, sometimes it’s hard to speak up, and be effective in doing so.
We womens needs practice!
The mentality shift I want in my life is: I’m not taking the first offer. Call me greedy. Call me ungrateful. You’d be lying. I worked very hard to get to where I am. No matter if you’re a Clinical fellow, 20 years in the field, or on the brink of retirement. Not everyone that has tried, has succeeded at speech language pathology. So why wouldn’t I look out for me? Companies look out for themselves. Bottom line. No one questions that, that’s “duh.”
So if I’m making money for your company– damn right, I’m looking out for me FIRST.
Empowered,
She

On this day, in 2016…

Happy New Years, lovely readers. I pray the holiday season was good to you. If it wasn’t, I’m believing that after you accept where you are right now, you will be alright. (*cue beat*… Alls my life I had to fight) How am I so sure? Because you survived all the past bad days/moments/situations.  Was the past quite like this? Probably not. One day at a time. #babysteps

This is the time of year for resolutions, hopes, wishes and prayers. I stopped being a big “Resolution” person years ago. However, I do believe in telling the Universe what you want. Writing it down helps. Next January 2017, I hope to be thriving. I’m thriving now, but I’m also fighting. It’s a battle. Fighting to manage negative thoughts. Fighting to remember that I belong here. That I worked for this. That I deserve it. That there is more for me to do in this world! There’s more success and ceilings to break!

I’m managing in 2016. Haven’t been motivated to get fingers on a keyboard for anything other than Tweeting (haaaay boo! @TracitaLinda), browsing, reading, skimming, and work stuff. You know, what they pay me to do. Today, I found myself on Pinterest. I haven’t caught on to the craze of Pinterest, but I do like that you can find so many random musings/ideas/inspiration in one place. Upon browsing on Twitter’s endless lists of Simple things to make 2016 better that you will forget 5 minutes after reading I found a minimal, clean, list of resolve’s for 2016.

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Read mine here: She’s Resolutions 2016

Find it the free PDF here: http://www.artbarblog.com/create/this-year-resolutions/

Cheers to 2016,

She

Lessons I’ve Learned: 2015

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Man, it’s hard to believe that in 15 days, I’ll be ringing in a New Year. New Year’s Eve makes me mad now. Not because I don’t want to welcome a new year; I’m earnestly thankful for it. It’s one of the biggest nights of the year and the question always boils down to What to do?

Honestly, I always prefer staying in. I don’t need no V.I.P table, no dress, no after party, no big plans. I don’t need to be doing something. If I had my way, all my family would be in one place– preferably out of the country, celebrating life. If out of the country is not possible, then in someone’s home. I’m at the stage in life where home is enough. I mean, there’s unlimited alcohol and you don’t have to drive nowhere! What can be sweeter? The only downside to bringing in the New Year at home is thinking about spending it alone. That’s not fun. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but not preferable. My plans this year are still undetermined. I can say, however, they will involve staying inside somewhere.

Even as I type this, I don’t feel like the year is over yet. It hasn’t really hit me. Maybe once we are officially on school break, I’ll start to believe it. Recounting my experiences this year, the bad ones come to mind first. Yea, I’m sure they inspired growth. But they still sucked. Maybe once I’m way over this hump… and over the anger, the disbelief, the ouchies of 2015 I’ll be able to truly appreciate it. Right now, I’m still angry. That’s okay. Things take time.

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Montego Bay, 6.6.15

I’ve also had some blessings this year– I turned 30, moved out on my own officially, got into some consistent individual mental health therapy, and have been practicing with my CCC’s! I gots letters behind my name now! I am on my way to becoming a self-sufficient, responsible adult. Below are the top 4 lessons/posts of 2015. I published my first post on GT in June of 2011. This year, I published 30+ posts. Thanks to you, I can continue to have a safe space to create and write things that come to my brain. Toast to 2016!

In case you missed them, my personal favorite posts of 2015:

Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

She’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Open Letter to Future Clinical Fellows (SLP)

I’m 30 Today (VLOG)

It’s not surprising that my posts revolved mostly around work. I was doing a lot of that in the beginning of the year. I have a much better work/life balance now. So much better that I am opting to add more work to my life. These include passion projects, supplemental income and hobbies. I pray your holidays and New Year’s celebration is safe and enjoyable!

Share with me one lesson you learned in 2015!

Happy Holidays,

She

Top 3 Books of the Year: 2015

15 more days before we usher in 2016. I can thank Audible for most of my completed reads this year. I did not reach my goal of 10 books this year, however I am still proud to have accomplished 60% of my goal! I haven’t read the most exciting books this year, but I am also proud to say that I’ve read books I would not normally read. 2015 has been the most adventurous reading year to date. Below are my Top 3 reads of the year:

Número Uno

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson. Read my review here.

Número Dos

Between the World and Me by Ta-nehisi Coates. This was a popular read this year, and in spite of both good and bad reviews I felt it a worthy and timely read.

Número Tres

South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. This was a departure from the fiction I’m used to reading. Murakami is known for his extended use of analogies and descriptive language. I enjoyed the realness of the protagonist, someone not afraid to chase happiness, as fleeting as it may appear.

Looking forward (2016)

  •  A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara- Started in 2015 but will probably start again from the beginning, in hopes of a straight read-through.
  • The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley- On financial literacy.
  • Aidsafari by Adam Levin (South African)- The memoir of a young, white middle class South African male coming to terms with his Aids diagnosis.

What are you looking forward to reading in 2016?

Day in the Life VLOGs- SLP

My clinical fellowship is over. It was a bittersweet transition, but one that will probably shape the outlook on my career for the rest of my working days. Shit got real. But I made it!

I’ve been working as a licensed, certified speech language pathologist for 5 months now. Back in February, I recorded 3 videos as I went through the course of a typical day. I had recorded one in the morning when I first got in the car, but I can’t find the video. The second video shows me transitioning from one site to another site in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. I arrived home after 7pm, and talked about how I would wind my day down in the last video.

The videos serve now as great time capsules, especially something for me to revisit a few more years down the road. For now, if you are interested in the field, or just want more information about what it’s like to be a speech language pathologist feel free to visit the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association website.

Happy watching!

-She

Part One

Part Two

Voicemail’s I Haven’t Checked: Part 3

VM'sWe are in 2015. If it’s an emergency, I’m sure there’s a text or multiple calls involved. Ain’t nobody got time.… But I still appreciate them!

Good morning sweetie. I’m sorry I was getting ready because I have a doctor’s appointment um so call me back whenever you get a chance okay. Hope everything’s okay. Love you, talk to you later, bye.

*singing* You used to call me on my cellphone. Late night when you need my love, call me on my cellphone. Late night when you need my love.

Hey Tracey, um, this is Jaael you left me a message recently stating to call you. I’m giving you a call, it was really nice to hear from you, um… and I’m looking forward to, um, hopefully catching up, um so yea we’ll talk soon. Bye.

Ms. _____ _____, or is it changed? I’m not sure… maybe you’re married now. So you’re calling to wish me happy 6th anniversary of ____ _____, LLC. I’m sure that’s the reason you called on October 29th. Six years ago I was sent packing. Remember that? Anyway, I was in court all day. I’m done now. Give me a call or text. Let me know what’s going on. Miss ya. Where are you? DC? Where? Bye.

Traceyyyyy Happy Halloween, I was calling you back. Give me a call when you get a chance. Alright, talk to you later. Bye.

Hey Tracey, it’s Nicole give me a call back um when you get a chance.

Read Part Two here (Voicemails I don’t delete).

And Part One here.

Do you think Voicemail’s are going to become obsolete? Shouldn’t there be an easier way by now?

-She