“I’m Drinking, I’m Drinking”

I never knew I had so much power as a woman. The concept of going to a bar and having strangers buy me drinks has always made me a bit uncomfortable, basically because I don’t know what the expectations are. What kind of sign does a woman send when she accepts a drink?

‘Yes, I’ll give you some attention’

‘Yes, you’ve sparked my interest’

‘Let’s converse’

‘Yes, if you’re offering, I’ll take it’

‘I’ll dance with you’

‘I’ll be your dedicated dance/flirt buddy tonight’

‘I’ll consider leaving with you, 4 drink minimum’

I am plagued with all the possible signs of accepting a drink so to make things easier I stick to purchasing my own drinks. That way, we can spark conversation, dance and I don’t have to feel bad if I rather talk to homeboy next to you. The thought of men wanting to procure some sex in exchange for drinks disgusts me, and I never want to send out that signal.

However, I was in a bit of a dilemma in Bocas del Toro, Panama. I walked into Barco Hundido (Sunk Ship) bar on Sunday night with a dollar to my name. I unsuccessfully tried to find the ATM at about 10:30 at night, and after walking off the main street for about a block and not finding it, my antennas advised me to turn around and figure something else out.

I walked into the bar to scope it out; see what kind of folks were there, listen to the music. I realized when I sat down that I was one of about 8 girls to 20 men there. First time I ever seen that in a bar. The music was popping, so I sat around the bar chilling. The bartender came over to me so I just confirmed that they indeed did not take cards and that there was only one ATM in town. So I sat. I figured I could take a cab to the ATM, for about 50 cents, and come back. But I didn’t move.

Eventually, a Panamanian Man who was sitting across the bar left his spot. Moments later, he’s standing next to me.

Panamanian Man: Hola.

Globe Tracer: (shy smile while trying to size him up) Hola.

PM: De donde eres? /Where are you from?

GT: Soy Tica/ I’m Costa Rican.

PM: Quieres tomar algo?/ Do you want a drink?

GT: No, gracias./ No, thanks.

PM walks away.

PM wasn’t really my type, and so I learned that maybe he felt if I wouldn’t take a free drink, then I probably wasn’t interested.  Got it.

I decided to see where the whole drink scenario would go, so I stayed with my dollar in my wristlet and began lip-synching and dancing in my bar stool. One of my songs came on (something about Put it down on me, Put it down on me) and a group of young tipsy white boys were talking stuff and standing in front of me. One made blurry-eyed contact with me and when he saw me lip-synching in English he came over to me. When he gets close enough so that I can see his face, I approve mentally.

White Guy: Hey girl, you here by yourself?

GT: Yes… I came out to the bar alone, sometimes you just have to be open to meeting new people.

WG: Well, that was a mistake! A pretty girl like you shouldn’t go anywhere alone. You want a drink?

GT: Sure!

Score! Over the span of 4 drinks we begin conversing, shared a couple of dances (surprisingly he had ‘some’ rhythm) and he tells me that he’s a 23 year old ‘Intelligence Communication Specialist’ with the US Coast Guard. The military is in Panama for a couple of days. Then it hits me as to why there’s so many men in the bar, and that most of them are not even locals.

I feel pretty confident leaving the bar that morning when the music ends around 3am. I had me a good time, but most importantly, I left with my dollar bill intact.

Now I’m opening up the floor:

LADIES, what are you giving up (dance, company, convo?) in exchange for accepting a drink? Do you just go with the flow, or do you think about the verbal or non-verbal signs you send out?

MEN, whats the least you expect when a woman accepts a drink? Do you get upset if a woman ends up only flirting with you and then moving on to another man for another drink?

Accepting drinks (from either gender, lol),

She Traces

Advertisements

14 thoughts on ““I’m Drinking, I’m Drinking”

  1. Yet another similar experience we share! I too had this dilemma a few weeks ago when I went to celebrate the birthday of a friend of a friend at a rooftop lounge of a fancy hotel in NYC. The ambiance was great but I didn’t know anyone (not even the bday girl) except for the two friends I came with so I sat awkwardly bopping my head to music and pretending to text and eventually texting anyone I could think to on my contact list until (hallelujah!) a man who looked way to old for me approached me and asked why I haven’t mingled all night and if I would like a drink. I accepted all the while thinking what image this would make of me ….desperate?…hoe?….cheap…At the end of the day I realized that I didn’t care what anyone else thought-I had nothing to prove to them. I had great conversation with this guy and one of the two friends that invited me out that night and that was all. No strings attached. I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do all in the name of free drinks.

    1. Sounds great Jess, I guess you just have to be in those situations, and get comfortable gauging the men and their personalities. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what they are looking for, or interested in when they offer drinks but I think that most are just looking to get to know you and have some enjoyable company like Jsin pointed out. It’s still hard to break out of the mentality that if you accept a drink, there has to be something given in return.

  2. Great post…as usual. I really enjoy hearing and reading about your adventures.

    To answer your question: If I bought a woman a drink I wouldn’t expect anything more than some decent and hopefully entertaining/enjoyable conversation while she enjoys the drink. I wouldn’t even expect to receive her number and definitely not to have sex with her. If a drink is all it would take to acquire the the latter then personally that’s not a woman I would be interested in at all.

    1. So it really depends on the man, and his intentions. When you meet a stranger, it’s really hard to gauge what it is they are looking for without having gone deep into convo at that point. But I think at some point of the night, intentions are made really clear, most of the time they are clouded by the consumption of alcohol.

      1. Another side thought- as someone who doesn’t drink, do you find it comfortable being around tipsy or drunk people? And do you still offer drinks to women?

  3. I don’t buy women Drinks at bars because I’m a staunch egalitarian (hence why I will forever remain single). The act of buying a woman a drink can be interpreted several ways, however ultimately it’s a holdover of the male patronizing chivalry most women claim is dead.

    If we were all equal, there wouldn’t be this hesitation/expectation of buying drinks that both sexes have. Even for the women that don’t expect it, I don’t see the need to do so. If I approach a woman at a bar (which I don’t do) I just want to talk to her. But it almost seems obligatory to ask if she would like a drink, even if she declines. It seems that a lot of women want their cake and want to eat it, too. I’m not for that.

  4. I say, if he wants to buy you a drink and you find him appealing enough to have a conversation, then go for it. I’m not opposed to guys buying me drinks. I don’t owe them anything. I also don’t mind buying a cute guy a drink as an intro to conversation 🙂

      1. Haha, why not?? Be BOLD! It’s fun. I call it recklessly flirting. I’ve bought guys drinks, sent over drinks, walked by and just left my phone number…. LOL. It’s sorta fun to let go of all the stereotypes and be an agresser every once in a while. And what it did for me was remind me how hard guys really do have it, ya know?

      2. I might consider that….but in NY when a drink is +$10, I will have to think long and hard about who I go around sending drinks to. lol
        fly-by-phone number drop…that´s a good one. 🙂

  5. I’m a big drinker. Drinks are free; no expectations on my part. I buy drinks for women (and males) all the time. Food is a different story. If the bill heads toward the $70 dollar area, you should be interested.

    If a guy isn’t interested in buying drinks for women who aren’t interested, he can use my advanced reverse order method for scoring. Lead with the closing act. Instead of buying drinks to meet women and obtain numbers, reverse the order.

    “Hello, my name is Sean and I don’t do this often but you are really attractive and I think I’d like to talk to you further. I don’t have a lot of time but would you take my number? If you don’t wish to use it, don’t take it; my feelings won’t be hurt.”

    If she takes it, you can offer to buy her a drink and chat for a bit. If not, you’ve saved both time and money. That’s big boy swag. I should teach classes.

    1. Hm…I like the upfront method, but when people say ´I don´t do this often´ I usually think the exact opposite. I think this would work for a guy who doesn´t fear rejection, or is just that confident either way. The only problem with offering a number up front, just based off looks alone might be that if she ends up being crazy…lol…you wouldn´t have had enough convo to gauge it at that point.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s