A couple of weeks ago, I was on a high about living on my own for the first time. But just as there’s perks, there’s also the downside to turning the key and knowing no one else is home. My apartment is a quiet oasis.
But no distractions don’t mean full productivity all the time.
Part of my issue is that at least for this semester, I have to adjust to living without internet. Who the heck lives without internet at home in the 21st century? A broke college student! When you have to decide between groceries or internet, necessity wins every time. Starvation is a slow death but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone dying from lack of social interaction. The downside to that is that I don’t get to Tweet or blog as often as I’d like, or with the real-time impulse that makes some posts so authentic. So I’ve had to readjust my blogging habits; I write my posts ahead of time which leads to more time to edit and perfect my craft but may also lead to unpublished pieces (sometimes when you have enough time to think, you talk yourself out of posting). The upside to no internet is that I’m not wasting a whole lot of time web surfing when I should be studying, etc. Also, when I have to walk to campus or the local Library for internet, I tend to cherish the time I spend online more because I know that I won’t be online that night.
Besides the internet hurdle (which I’m sure I’ll survive), the other downside to living alone is that SILENCE IS LOUD. After a while, my music playlist is played out and I’m finding ways to fill the space with some noise. Being alone with ones thoughts can be brutal sometimes, as you may already know, because your mind tends to want to haunt you with deep questions that rattle your whole existence. So more likely than not, I have to quiet the following doubts:
What do you really think you’re doing back in school?
Do you think you’re smart enough to make it to grad school?
You can’t afford this, and debt is not an easy monkey to get off your back.
Then I remember how I got here in the first place. How I was in Costa Rica making phone calls to the Department Chair wanting to know if I had gotten accepted into the program. And how although I was in the bottom of the pile, after I called and reiterated that I was the one with two last names, that same week I snagged one of the last 12 spots! This year has been full of lots of crests and troughs, but all in all, I wouldn’t change a thing. NOT A THING. And so even at the end of the day, when reality hits and I know I can’t have it all…all I pray for is PEACE OF MIND.
globetracer 
This is absolutely beautiful. You’re so right — silence IS loud. But the beauty of it is that you’re left with your own thoughts/ideas and they can run rampant (in a good way). You’ll get through this semester because you fought for this. And you know how important it is to you. And in the grand scheme of things, it’s only one semester (a mere few months) in your entire fabulous life.
It is one semester, you’re right. It’s so hard to see PAST these couple of months when the stress mounts up. I’m still learning how to cope with stress.
As far as your priorities, I would have to agree that eating should surpass digital interaction any day. The best things in life take hard work and once you have accomplished this degree, the sacrifices shall be worth it.
I can relate to having been left with time to think over a post, and deciding against posting it altogether once you have re-approached it.
Silence can be deafening. When I find myself drowning in silence, I either play music or turn the television on in another room. I love having my own place and space, but it can sometimes be extremely disheartening to come home to an empty (and sometimes dark) place. With every plus, there is certainly a minus!
Food wins every time. Although I could argue that writing, sharing and communing online is my food as well. 🙂 There are always pro’s and con’s and I know that when I have my own family I’m gonna be wishing I had my own little space somewhere to retreat to. This reminds me of that episode of King of Queens where Doug got himself an apartment in Chinatown, just his own man-space to do what he pleases and get away from the loud-mouthed wife, Carrie. At first he thinks its amazing, then after the initial excitement he starts realizing that 1) keeping an apartment from his wife is hard work and 2) he’s not having as much fun as he was when he first got it. I’m sure I’ll be going through my high’s and low’s all year.
Yes, I haven’t had internet in months at home. Single mom and lot of bills. So I hear you loud and clear. LOL
Don’t worry you will learn to balance what you need vs wants all the time.
Hey buddii! Where ya been? We miss ya.
I know you’re going to do great in school. Have no doubts or worries about that. You’ll be in Grad school doing your thing before you know it. Just remain positive.