ReTracing 2011

Reflection Question: Where did 2011 begin?

I feel like I’ve been talking about 2011 since it begun, so I’m trying not to talk myself out of this post before it even begins. In totality, 2011 has been a catalyst for change in my life. I was comfortable in the beginning of the year. At 25 years old, I had yet to experience true heartbreak, grief, loneliness, disappointment and feelings of worthlessness. The year begun with my Tia in her last month of life, loosing her courageous fight against what begun as colon cancer. I witnessed  first hand a life being depleted from a body, but was reassured in my Tia’s steadfast faith and knowledge that her body was only a temporary condition, and the spirit–eternal. In the beginning of the year I was fighting for an almost 3-year relationship that I believed would culminate in marriage. In the beginning of the year I had no idea how my publishing internships would turn into full-time work, but was holding on to the idea that writing for a living could be profitable. In the beginning of the year I learned how callous the corporate world could be, after receiving an e-mail from my boss of 5 years that I was laid off days after my Tia was laid to rest in Costa Rica. In the span of months I had lost a family member, my job, my relationship and had to physically relocate because I was living with my ex.

In the face of fight or flight– I flew. I got a one-way ticket to Costa Rica, not knowing how long I would stay or how I would pick up the pieces of my life which I clearly had no control over. Enter Globe Tracer, this blog, which was birthed out of my need to document my time in Costa Rica and lessons I learned in my recovery period, if you will. Eventually what ended up happening was those things that angered me the most– getting fired and dumped over e-mail, became those things that set things in stone for me. I know I deserved more respect than that, but how long could I stay angry at those people and expect to keep moving forward? I definitely couldn’t change what they had done, and they probably will never know how DEEP that cut me. So what could I change? To this day, I repeat this anecdote to myself on those days that unforgiveness and angering thoughts replay in my head.

Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

It’s so simple, yet, plenty of us are intoxicating ourselves daily.  Forgiveness is not an easy formula, a one-size-fits-all for every person and every situation. But acknowledging you need to forgive someone and taking the steps you need, at your pace, to DO it is imperative. More for you, than anyone else.  There is an indescrible freedom in forgiveness, if you stick with the journey. I am not at that point 100% yet, but I won’t stop until I get there…

#Godisworking,

She

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2 thoughts on “ReTracing 2011

  1. You appear to be filled with wisdom for someone so relatively young in age, although i do believe experience is the best teacher. I too can recall moments where it appeared as if the sky was falling and, for whatever reasons, I understood the fact that forgiveness would have to be accomplished when it was all said and done.

    Like you said, it doesn’t happen overnight but life has proven that it does happen, in due time.

    Stimulating read.

  2. In a book called The Road Less Traveled I read this quote, ‘a full life is a life full of pain.’ I understand that much better now, but part of me also doesn’t want to accept that. Must it always be the pain that breeds the lessons? Can’t we learn any other way but experience? I understand that as long as we stay in our comfort zones, we won’t get to rouse those new qualities and discover new strengths. I get the fact that without having experienced grief I couldn’t know that you don’t ever really ‘get over’ death… that it’s a daily process. But what happens when you don’t know what you’re supposed to learn from a situation? Does going through heartbreak over and over really make you better at coping with it the next time? I don’t think agree.
    Thanks for you comment, don.

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