Where: Great Falls Park, Great Falls, MD
When: Sunday, November 6, 2016
Hi All! Happy November. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a vlog. In this vlog, I recap my progress on the goals I set out in 2016. Here’s that original post. And here is where I got the printable PDF of the list (The year on the page gets updated after the new year.)
It’s Monday night. I have paperwork to do, so naturally, I’m blogging instead. It’s the end of the first quarter and I have progress reports due, daily notes to catch up on, two reports, and meetings to prepare for. Oh yea, and I have to plan daily for therapy. I’ve given myself a break off Twitter because sometimes breaks are necessary. I am sitting at my dining room table which I never do alone, but because I paid for the table I figured I should use it for more than storing paperwork and appliances that don’t fit on my counter tops.
I’m in a bleh place right now. The glass of wine is helping me (maybe) but I am constantly in my head now-a-days trying to sort through being in an uncomfortable place. Instead of dwelling in the uncomfortable present, I do what comes naturally: I plan for the future. So, right now I’m thinking about the professional conference I’m attending in November, the plans for Thanksgiving…and possibly winter break. I’m spending money before it hits my account. I’m thinking about adopting a kitten. I’m wondering how travel is going to affect me taking care of a cat. I’m thinking about where I will be next October 31st. Anywhere but here. Okay, not anywhere.
So. The exercise is to be here.
In the present, I’m heartbroken. I’m trying to take things day by day, but it still hurts. I’m trying to function and I don’t feel like myself, just a version of myself who longs to get the day over with so I can go home and take off the mask. A mal tiempo, buena cara I wrote on June 11, 2011. ‘During bad times, put on your best face.’ Well, I don’t wanna. But, even if I don’t want to, the world still requires a lot of me, and I don’t have the privilege not to be present.
In the present, written affirmations a la Mary Jane Paul, friends, distractions, work, doing those things I love when I can, nail polish, blog posts, lists, my therapist, white wine, my clients, rupi kaur, and music pushes me forward.
Doy gracias a la vida.
(From 6-11-11) Moral of the story: Whatever you need to, wherever you need to go to get back to happy- do that! No matter how impossible it might seem. If things are that bad right now that most mornings you don’t want to get out of bed, hide under the sheets for a couple of days, bawl your eyes out, let the ugly out. But remember you have to face the world sometime, and when you do, put on your best face!
The world needs you & me.
Following After Love Leading (F.A.L.L.),
“Now I use the word happiness very loosely because happiness is not a place where you can live. It is more like a space we cross through periodically, sometimes more frequently or for longer duration than other times…”
It’s October 7th and I’m sitting on my couch debating on whether I want to cook dinner or pop something ready-made in the oven. My blog has been unfamiliar to me for awhile. Radio silence in August and September. Those are very busy times for school-based therapists. Not only is work gearing up speed, but life also be life-ing. You know what I mean. Life continues to be life- victories, upsetting moments, change of weather, change of mood, we loose daylight, changes, changes, changes. Some more drastic than others.
Fall and spring are two of my favorite seasons, in spite of being born in the summer. Fall reminds me that there’s no place like having a home to call your own. It is about getting cozy on the couch, drinking chai tea latte and baking pumpkin spice cake. It’s a season to prepare for the cold winter, because as we know, winter is coming. Fall is also about taking advantage of what’s left of the year before we usher in resolutions, new intentions, and the realization that “damn! Time flies.”
I’m in another transition time. It’s been stirring for a little while. It’s not comfortable and can be scary to think about, but it’s something I want. There’s more places for me to see in this lifetime, more to do, and the DMV area has been real. I’ve had highs of highs and lows of lows here. I got my Master’s degree, a professional license, life-long mentors, and an experience at an HBCU. I fell in love in all its glory and pain. I got my own apartment. I bought my first 2 cars (not simultaneously, yet.) I have a retirement plan. I’ve developed a love for painting and art. I’ve come to appreciate what this move meant to me, and how it has propelled me into what I consider to be an “adult.” Not only am I proving to myself that I can take care of myself financially, but I’m dedicated to working on my mental health by staying consistently in therapy. That’s my life right now.
Adulting and life-ing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. But today I’m thankful for the support I have around me, those I love and that love me, my career, my passion and my drive. There’s nowhere to go but forward.