What’s Rockin’ My World: I’m here

changing

This is my second post of the year (sad face, kind of.) That’s just the way it’s supposed to be, I imagine. I’m trying to get my life, ya’ll!

I didn’t plan it that way, but I am also very much about not forcing what is not coming organically. Writing is my happy place, not my deadlines and forced writing place. Occasionally, I did feel that nudge to get something down on paper, but I also don’t like writing just to write. I am very much about content, not just about post numbers. 2017 is bringing a lot of changes, and I’m both excited and ready. Here’s what’s been rockin’ my world thus far:

  • In the tune of self-care, I have decided to cut down my work hours per week. I currently hold a full-time and part-time job, and I used to work 3 afternoons a week, but as of January I cut that down to 2 nights. Yes, I’ll miss the money but I really love having my Monday nights back.
  • I am gearing up for the next physical move in life. I’m saying adios to the DMV! I’m hitting on 5 years in the area (come August), and I’m ready for something new! More details to come… #newcity2017
  • I have to start DISCARDING stuff from my apartment. Namely my paperwork and things I’ve accumulated from graduate school. To prepare for this, I’m reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (audiobook.) https://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering-Organizing/dp/1607747308
  • Speaking of books, I have a 6 book goal for 2017. That sounds like an elementary goal, but it’s realistic for me and I make no apologies for it. Work is the main thing that keeps me from leisure reading, and the other part has been that I “consume” a lot and have no desire to read outside of that. I’m working on it, because I do miss getting lost in books.
  • Work is work. There’s peak high and low times, I’m currently about to hit the peak “pre-spring break” time. IEP meetings galore, therapy, testing and everything in-between happens crazily in the days leading up to spring break. This year, we have spring break a little bit later in the year, which means the weather will be getting nicer and hopefully we won’t have any crazy snow storms. I don’t mind the days off, I just don’t want to extend the school year past June 12th! The good thing is when we come back from spring break, it’ll be almost May, a less-than 2 month countdown to the end of the school year.
  • I want to pierce my nose. I have always liked nose piercings, but wasn’t sure how professional this “appeared.” I think nose piercings are more accepted now (even those septum piercings are very common) and so I’m going to go ahead and do it! #newpiercing2017
  • I’m tired of working for other people, so I’m going to slowly and surely start my own contracting business. Nothing to it but to do it. This has been on my mind for almost a year, gotta set it in action!
  • Love has found its way back to me. We are making it work with effort and transparency. I’m happy.

What’s currently rockin’ your world?

-She

Advertisements
What’s Rockin’ My World: I’m here

Monday Night

It’s Monday night. I have paperwork to do, so naturally, I’m blogging instead. It’s the end of the first quarter and I have progress reports due, daily notes to catch up on, two reports, and meetings to prepare for. Oh yea, and I have to plan daily for therapy. I’ve given myself a break off Twitter because sometimes breaks are necessary. I am sitting at my dining room table which I never do alone, but because I paid for the table I figured I should use it for more than storing paperwork and appliances that don’t fit on my counter tops.

I’m in a bleh place right now. The glass of wine is helping me (maybe) but I am constantly in my head now-a-days trying to sort through being in an uncomfortable place. Instead of dwelling in the uncomfortable present, I do what comes naturally: I plan for the future. So, right now I’m thinking about the professional conference I’m attending in November, the plans for Thanksgiving…and possibly winter break. I’m spending money before it hits my account. I’m thinking about adopting a kitten. I’m wondering how travel is going to affect me taking care of a cat. I’m thinking about where I will be next October 31st. Anywhere but here. Okay, not anywhere.

So. The exercise is to be here.

In the present, I’m heartbroken. I’m trying to take things day by day, but it still hurts. I’m trying to function and I don’t feel like myself, just a version of myself who longs to get the day over with so I can go home and take off the mask. A mal tiempo, buena cara I wrote on June 11, 2011.  ‘During bad times, put on your best face.’ Well, I don’t wanna. But, even if I don’t want to, the world still requires a lot of me, and I don’t have the privilege not to be present.

In the present, written affirmations a la Mary Jane Paul, friends, distractions, work, doing those things I love when I can, nail polish, blog posts, lists, my therapist, white wine, my clients, rupi kaur, and music pushes me forward.

Doy gracias a la vida.

(From 6-11-11) Moral of the story: Whatever you need to, wherever you need to go to get back to happy- do that! No matter how impossible it might seem. If things are that bad right now that most mornings you don’t want to get out of bed, hide under the sheets for a couple of days, bawl your eyes out, let the ugly out.  But remember you have to face the world sometime, and when you do, put on your best face!

The world needs you & me.

Following After Love Leading (F.A.L.L.),

-She

Monday Night

OBX, North Carolina

It’s Wednesday. But an atypical Wednesday. I am halfway through my vacation in the Outerbanks (OBX), North Carolina. It’s about 6:26 pm. Today, I woke up a little after 8am to make breakfast for about 12 people and then spent most of the day at the beach. I once thought that I couldn’t do the beach for more than 2-3 days in a row but turns out, that isn’t the case. We (B and I and his group of friends) have been here since Saturday and each day the beach offers something different. Different views, different water temperature, different crowds, different vibes. I also have never experienced “beach house” living– wide verandas, outdoor lounge areas, outside showers and a backyard pool complete with a hot tub. It’s been new experiences all around for me. If I were at home, I would be finishing up work and heading home to figure out what’s for dinner and watch TV. I prefer this kind of week much better.

I feel like this was a much needed get-away, as I’ll be going back to work in less than a month. I’m not sure what next school year holds for me, and I’m trying not to think too much about it. My mother comes to visit next week and I’m looking forward to it. Ready to soak up what left of the summer. Here are some pictures of the week so far:

I’m excited to be putting my coloring book to some use again. Since purchasing it in January it’s been sitting in my apartment with half-completed wishes collecting dust. I’ve also started reading Issa Rae’s new(ish) bio, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl. Now I’m reading two books simultaneously which is always hit or miss for me. Well, hope you’re enjoying your last week of July (the best month of all.) Gotta go enjoy the sunlight while it’s still here.

Summer baby,

-She

 

 

OBX, North Carolina

Summer 16: What’s Rockin’ My World

I’m already halfway through the summer “break” (when traditional schools are closed, unless they are in extended school year) and this has been a great time of waking up late, staying up even later, and doing whatever my heart desires. Most days it’s been cleaning, TOO much t.v., sitting poolside working on my tan, small decoration projects around the house, or planning trips. I have yet to post about the Chicago trip (it’s coming!), and this weekend I leave for a week-long beach trip. After that, my mom is coming to visit me in my big-girl apartment (sans roommate) for a couple of days from Florida. I’m geeked about a whole week of being steps away from water. Also, I get to hang out and get to know my boyfriend’s college friends, which we don’t see very often because they live near Richmond, VA.

I think this is the best summer I’ve had in awhile. A summer of part time working, but because I chose to, not because I had to. I have not had a summer “off” since I decided to go back to school 3 years ago. It’s hard getting used to not having anywhere to go in the mornings, and then doing that for about 6 weeks. I don’t know why I feel guilty about staying in bed until midday, or when I have a day of nothing on the To Do list. But I intend to keep sleeping in until I stop feeling guilty about it. 🙂

Last year, I didn’t work on my birthday (which fell on a Friday) but I still had to wake up early Saturday to work. This year for the big 3-1, I enjoyed a Sunday picnic with friends on a vineyard in Southern, MD called Running Hare. And we played Scattegories. My ideal day; chicken, friends, board games and chilled wine. I don’t intend to work on my birthday ever again (if I can help it.)

IMG_4448.JPG
Birthday vibes.
IMG_4450
View from Running Hare

The remainder of the summer is looking great, I have the next 2 weeks off and I intend to be present for them. I want to sign up for some technique dance classes. I have some more de-cluttering to do in my apartment (read: throw out paperwork.) I want to plan for a smooth transition back to work, at a new school with less support than I had my first year. I’m excited to see what population and new school team I will be a part of. I also want to soak up all my well-deserved time off before that countdown back to work. I may or may not get to do more writing until next month, but that’s only because I’m taking doing nothing very serious.

Your turn now. What’s rocking your Summer16?

 

-She

Summer 16: What’s Rockin’ My World

8 Reasons to Wake Up Each Morning

  1. There’s still places to see. I haven’t traveled to Europe, Asia, or Africa. Have a lot more ground to cover.
IMG_4410
Taken in Prince Frederick, MD. 7.10.16

2. There’s more new foods to try. Along with new places, come new cultures to consume. I’m ready to eat!

DSCF1045
Fried conch in the Bahamas.

3. Someone depends on your smile. May be the least likely person; and your smile does something for them.

4. Your destiny hasn’t been fulfilled yet. Even on the lowest on low days, there’s still an assignment that can only be carried out by you.

5. There’s no one that can do things quite like you. You are really good at making a presentation, teaching, counseling, listening, planning, and making macaroni and cheese. Sure, these things have been done before. But, not quite the way you do them.

mural
Service Project. Croix-des-bouquet, Haiti.

6. Each day is full of NEW. We are granted new opportunities, have the chance to try again at something we may have previously failed at. Try again, with more wisdom.

7. The days are not promised to you. We go to bed knowing we will wake up the next day, and the day after that and the day after that. Not always the case. Have to thank God for all the days, even Mondays.

8. You are another day to closer to your dreams.

 

10325256_10203460080320072_5776441790831082159_n

Whatever your reason is, I hope you’re inspired.

Love,

She

8 Reasons to Wake Up Each Morning

What’s Rockin’ My World: End of the School Year

There’s no shortcut through the hard stuff. So stop running from it.

-She (October 26, 2015)

The last 5 days of school/work have been the longest days. I’m trying to be patient and focus on the paperwork+packing I have to finish as I transition out of this school. But I’m so distractible and everyone is annoying me. It’s too nice to be inside!! It’s been a tough week to say the least. But it’s looking up.

Here’s what is currently rockin’ my world:

  • Last Saturday was the 5 year anniversary of GlobeTracer. I wasn’t compelled to do the handwritten letter I usually do. I didn’t want to force anything. 5 years is a great milestone, I am thankful.
  • Burning Questions: Why do I want to fast-forward so much? I have to learn how to feel and be in uncomfortable places. It’s not fun, but I don’t gain what I have to when I’m constantly thinking about tomorrow, or the fall. Or 2017. Or when I live somewhere else…
  • I’m ready to do life with him. Being apart and seeing each other only on the weekend is starting to get to me.
  • I got a new couch! It’s mine and it’s new and it’s firm. How does one break these things in?
IMG_4071 (1).JPG
Don’t look at my messy “office.”
  • About 2 weeks until Chicago! 🙂 First trip of the summer.
  • Burning Questions: What if I’m not sure what I really want? How do I know when to trust what I want is really what is right?
  • I got a retirement plan. Talk about #adulting. In 30 years, I’ll be 60 years old? How????
  • I’ve only read 2 books this year so far, but this summer I’ll do better!

Now it’s your turn!!

Tell me what’s currently rockin’ your world!! If this is your first time here, please say hello!

If you’re a long time reader- what’s something you want to keep reading about on the blog? why?

Thank you for visiting my little space,

-She

What’s Rockin’ My World: End of the School Year

The M Word

Her: “Do you want kids?”

Me: “Today I do. I don’t know about tomorrow.”

I’ve been recently thinking about how different my life would be if I had a child. Specifically, Am I really ready to give up my time? 

I know that there are big unspeakable sacrifices to be made when one decides to bring life into this world. And I know that somehow, if I decide to take that step, I will gladly accept that challenge. But is it selfish to say otherwise, that I don’t want to fully and completely give up my time EVER? Does this somehow, make me a bad person? Not a “real” woman because I don’t want to be a mother?

No. As actress Joy Bryant eloquently points out in her essay defending her life decision:

Motherhood, in all its beautiful significance, is a job I do not want.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think I can handle it. That doesn’t mean I don’t admire and honor all the mothers in my life. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a special heart for the children I use my skills and training to service. It just means I can make a choice on what my purpose is going in this lifetime. And I shouldn’t have to defend it, but depending on the approach, I don’t mind engaging in the conversation.

I’m not sure what stance I take. I haven’t completely decided. These days, I’m not only fantasizing of the “fairy tale” of motherhood, but also of the habits I don’t want to change in my life. The sacrifices that are not in poems on Mother’s Day cards or very much talked about.

I like to sleep. I like to eat out excessively, I like to wake up when my body wakes me up on Saturdays. I like to work on my schedule. I like my weekends, and every second of free time that I can steal during the week. I like my life this way.

Speaking, writing, and living my truth. No apologies.

-She

The M Word