Podcast Me Crazy

I have a new favorite thing.

Podcasts are my new favorite thing. BUT to be honest, I don’t like listening to what ERRYBODY listening to. I have tried, on occasion. I’ve been listening to podcasts consistently now for over a year. Sometimes I browse the “popular” charts on my Podcast app and see what’s new at #1. I have varied tastes from book talk to crime/investigative shows, to pop culture. I have varied reasons why I listen to podcasts; to help me go to sleep, to escape traffic, or to find some new recommendations (as in books, etc.) I can only say I listen to a handful on a weekly basis. Here are my top 5 favorite podcasts, as random as I can be.

5. Ear Hustle. A show produced and recorded in San Quentin Prison (California) and co-hosted by a man serving a life sentence. The topics range from week to week about what life is like on the inside. I like the fresh perspectives, and the topics/stories shared by actual inmates on the show. The episodes tend to be between 30 minutes to an hour, perfect for those with short attention spans.

4. Where Should I Begin? With Esther Perel. This is a new release on iTunes. If you never heard of Esther Perel, that’s okay. She is a Belgian author and leader in the psychotherapy world and a proponent of rethinking how we view infidelity (read: polyamory.) In her podcasts, she shares actual therapy sessions (meaning you get to be a fly on the wall) with couples going through different struggles including intimacy, infidelity and emotional baggage.

3. MyTaughtYou with Myliek Teele. I haven’t consistently listened to this podcast, but I enjoy listening to her entrepreneur tips and gems she has learned along the way. Myliek is the founder of CURLBOX. She doesn’t come off like a know-it-all, just kind of like your good girlfriend sharing advice.

2. S Town. S Town is a very involved investigative story. That’s the best way I can describe it. THIS has been the best podcast for 2017 in my opinion. I started listening to it in the house, and then my boyfriend liked it so much that he began to listen to it on his hour commute to work. I won’t even bother explaining what it’s about…JUST LISTEN LINDA!

1. Dirty John. Bear with me here. Another investigative story. A woman named Debbie meets a man online named John and they proceed to move very fast in the relationship. They get married within 2 months…but wait, does she really know who John is? He reads like Mr. Charming on paper, but who is he REALLY?!

That’s all I got folks. Let me know what podcasts you hold dear to your heart…

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She’s Best Tweets of 2017

Topics range from #firstworldproblems, #food, #life, #career, #mundanemusings.

Follow me @TracitaLinda. I talk back!

10. Making rent payments online is a first world blessing. 12:29 PM – 31 Jul 2017

9. My life has been better since giving up bras. 10:42 PM – 19 Jul 2017

8. I can’t clear my head until I clear my workspace. But lazy. 9:39 PM – 21 Jul 2017

7. Sat on the porch. Talked with the stars. 9:37 PM – 9 Sep 2017

6. I’m learning not every email deserves a response. 4:03 PM – 8 Sep 2017

5. True life: I geek over board games. 5:29 PM – 5 Sep 2017

4. I’m tired, but not too tired to toast some bread up. 10:58 PM – 26 Aug 2017

3. I want to eat some Ramen but I know it’ll taste a little bit like defeat. 9:10 PM – 15 Aug 2017

2. My therapist told me she was having her salmon flown in fresh from Alaska and now I can’t enjoy my basic ass salmon. 5:39 PM – 15 Aug 2017

1. Done choosing what’s safe. Or comfortable. I’m ready for a work setting that’s going to stretch me beyond what I think I can do. Amen 11:57 PM – 7 Aug 2017

 

What About Your Friends?

For many women, friends are our primary partners through life; they are the ones who move us into new homes, out of bad relationships, through births and illnesses.

-Rebecca Traister’s book

Female friendships are a topic I’ve avoided writing about. I have so many thoughts around the subject and yet nothing I felt would add anything meaningful to this blog. It’s true that I become wholly self-aware and self-conscious around the topic. However I’m here, attacking my trigger.

Where do I begin? So let me say that the age of online friendships is a gift and a curse. I blame Facebook. With the click of a button, you “Friend” someone. Is that all it takes? A passive, mindless act? You may never personally message that person, write on that person’s wall, or even have to remember that person’s birthday (FB does it for you.) But you made a new friend. On the other hand, when I learned of my acceptance into Howard University, I took to Twitter. I couldn’t anticipate the people who extended themselves like @PeaceLuvNicole. We met within weeks, and that made the transition a bit easier. There are people who are eager about taking the relationship offline, and I love and appreciate that. I started becoming more and more comfortable with the idea that I could meet some quality people by just initiating the gesture. Although I dealt with general anxiety from moving to a city where I knew 2 people and had no family, Twitter peoples helped through the process. 

Everyone is quick to “like” my minor triumphs and “heart” my Instagram photos — passive interaction has become the default setting, the status quo.

-Felicia Sullivan

I can make friends easier online. You learn a lot about someone based on what they post. It’s not the ideal way, but it’s easy, less risky and convenient. It’s passive. Trying to make friends in real life involves risk. Meeting strangers hoping and praying it leads to something can be disappointing.

Does she like me?

Does she think I’m talking too much?

Am I talking too much?

She’s so fashionable. I wish I could dress like that.

I’m 30 years old, why is this so difficult?

Truth is, I have a lot of standards because I invest a lot when I care for someone. To me, my standards are like the bare minimum of cultivating and sustaining a friendship.

1. Thou must not be flaky. I’ve experienced a lot of people that will make plans one day, then inform me the day of that they can’t make it. REPEATEDLY.
2. Thou must spend quality time. This is my love language, not negotiable. It’s the main reason why I make the effort to see friends that don’t live nearby. We connect when we are actually together.
3. Thou must show REAL LIFE effort. Check-in with one another, attempt to go out and do stuff. You know, real basic and mutual.

I understand that different people need different things from friendships. I’ve always wanted a group of “girlfriends” that I could count on to do life together with. My history with friends has never amounted to that. It’s not to say it won’t happen, maybe it will take some adjusting of expectations.

Some posts worth exploring:

What the Market Will Bear: The Long Game of Female Friendships

Sorry I’ve Been a Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter

Spiritual Laws for a Distracted World (Part 1)

I’ve been trying to continually read and be intentional during this time off. I began reading The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success (thanks to Cliff for sharing the link) by Deepak Chopra. I usually don’t stick with books like these for long, something about the new terminology, the synthesizing and then figuring out how to apply the suggestions to my life can be become a bit much. To be honest, I like things in plain language when it comes to self-help. But there were some things that spoke to me as soon as I started trying to decipher the wisdom in this book. The first Spiritual Law it touches on is the Law of Pure Potentiality and the difference between self-referral and object-referral.

To quote the book, to experience the pure “Self” or self-referral basically means that you refer to your own soul/spirit (not your ego) for a point of reference, as opposed to being affected by things around you. In object-referral, you guessed it (you’s smart!), you are not referring to Self, but are affected by objects; people, experiences, situations (a.k.a things you cannot control.) In self-referral you experience your true being (void of fear, full of respect and humility) and in object-referral you feel an intense need to control or to have “power” over those things that drive the ego. Cool. Makes sense. But how exactly do we operate in the Power of Self daily? I’m glad you asked.

The first tip the book gives is…tapping into creativity through consciousness. What does this look like? Daily practicing of “silence, meditation and non-judgment.” Oh, sounds easy enough, right?

Silence. Withdrawing from speech and basically letting your mind run miles until eventually it quiets down. And it will.

How am I trying to apply these principles?

I already mentioned that I’m on a self-imposed Twitter break. This past week, I noticed myself just scrolling for scrolling’s sake and posting things just because a thought came to me. But what am I really talking about? Is it worth posting? Do I have to post everything I think about? Although I do prefer Twitter because I don’t spend hours on it, how much time am I really “not wasting” if I’m opening the app every 10 minutes because I’m wondering if I got a a new notification, or for FOMO(fear of missing out)? I don’t like the feeling of being addicted to the screen, or being out with friends and having to record everything we do. But what happens after I take 30 days off Twitter? I get right back on and build back up to the same habits that lead me here in the first place. Something has to change.

Besides the social media silence, I have experienced silence at home this past week. I’ve had minimal TV intake. By nature, I’m not a big TV watcher, I tend to prefer doing more creative things when I’m motivated. Sometimes I’m just overwhelmed and I need to do something that doesn’t require much effort, so I turn on the TV. I actually finished watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix last night and I was disturbed by some of the scenes. What happened to the time when events were inferred and not necessarily filmed? I’m reminded that everything everyone is watching might trigger certain things for me, and I should be more prudent before I consume. Same goes for the things we are subject to “auto-play” on Facebook, Twitter, and the like.

The book goes on to point out what silence brings out of us.

What happens when you go into this experience of silence? Initially your internal dialogue becomes even more turbulent. You feel an intense need to say things. I’ve known people who go absolutely crazy the first day or two when they commit themselves to an extended period of silence. A sense of urgency and anxiety suddenly comes over them. But as they stay with the experience, their internal dialogue begins to quieten. And soon the silence becomes profound. This is because after a while the mind gives up; it realizes there is no point in going around and around if you the Self, the spirit, the choice-maker are not going to speak, period. Then, as the internal dialogue quietens, you begin to experience the stillness of the field of pure potentiality.

Silence is powerful. We lead very distracted lives. Can we control that? I believe so. It’s difficult, but it’s not impossible, if we are intentional.

-She