Things I want to tell my mom

I think that a most special relationship is one between mother and daughter. I’m always fascinated to read fiction books about mothers and daughters, I tear up when I see special moments on TV, or even in real life. I’m aware of all the complexities that exist between being mothered, having to alter that relationship when daughter becomes an adult, and then possibly daughter becoming caretaker down the road. It truly does come full circle.

My mom became a teenage mother without having had a nurturing mother herself. There is a long list of qualities and knowledge she didn’t have, or possess when she became a mother. I can list many things I wish my mother did better. No parent is perfect. Instead of highlighting things that cannot be changed, I’d rather tell my mother some things I think she did superbly well.

Lisa Bonet and Zoe.

Mom, 

I accept you for who you are. I don’t blame you for anything that you may feel you could have done better in raising me because I think you did the best you could have done with what you were given. Thank you for sharing with me about your past, I know it’s not easy for you to talk about after all this time.

I feel very blessed to have such a spunky and open-minded mother. I don’t have to worry about being someone I’m not, for you to approve. If I wanted to spend my days writing a book on a Greek island, I know you would support me. If I was anti-marriage, you would say “I understand.” If I decided to only eat red meat during odd numbered years, you would just ask “Are you eating meat this year?” with no judgment. You don’t try to impose your views on me and I respect that.

I know that we live States away from each other and you lead a very busy working life. I wish you didn’t have to work so hard, and I have big goals in my professional life to ease your load. As long as I can help, I will do so with no lament.

Thank you for sending me to California and South Carolina during some summers and exposing me to life outside of New York City. Thank you for making Christmases special and taking care of the cats I always wanted but didn’t want to actually clean after. Thank you for simply being there. Thank you for not accepting sub-par penmanship on my homework. Thank you for sending me greeting cards for every occasion and even for no occasion. Thank you for giving me a chance against many odds. 

With Love,

your daughter.

Goodbye 2012: Last Lesson

I wanted to do a nice recap of My Fave’s of 2012 and I guess I can still do that on the first day of 2013. Since I’ve finally made it to the Sunshine State (Florida) after a long 5 days in Bawston visting my father (& his girlfriend), I’ve taken this day to do a lot of lazing around since my mother brings in the New Year in church and one can’t inconspicuously sleep there. Anyways, I’ve decided to go with her since last year around this time I spent New Year’s in somebody’s club and I felt uncomfortable, mad and over that whole scene.

5 days was the longest time I’ve ever spent with my father after 27 years of life.

I learned a lot about this man through observations, verbal exchanges and watching him in daily routine.

I came to Florida with a new-found respect of the work-in-progress relationship I have with my mother.

Last night after picking me up from the airport she comes in the room and has the ceiling fan going and then turns on a stand alone fan. I don’t like to be cold while I’m laying down so I go “Really though? it’s cold in here.” She says: “I’m going through the changes!”

I couldn’t help but crack up. She is a very unique lady, and she gets me. She doesn’t take my sometimes brash way of expressing myself as disrespectful. She laughs at my dry sarcasm. She sits in silence with me and knows that I’m observant and think a lot before I speak. And if I don’t speak…that means I don’t have anything to say.

I feel grateful to say that I have a parent who knows me. And accepts me. It’s not a perfect relationship, but it’s a relationship.

On another note, I wish everyone a Happy New Year! Please be safe out there and here’s to a prosperous 2013!

Boom Boxez a Make Her Danz!

Any last lessons you learned during these holidays?

-She

Voicemails I Don’t Delete

Hey missy, it’s your momma. Calling to check on you. Call me whenever you get a chance okay? have a good day. Love you.  

Tracey no tengo internet en la casa por eso no ha oido de mi y me fui y se me olvido pagarle su celular. Ojala que no se lo hayan cortado. Estoy llamando de la casa de abuelita. I’m leaving tonight to go back to San Jose. During the week I’m gonna see how I can make the payment for you and emm…I’ll try calling you somewhere during the week, ok? Bueno mamacita cuidese…bye.

Uhh..Tracey dame una llamada cuando tenga chance por favor. Ok. Thanks. Bye bye.

Yo maing, why is your phone off? I’m gonna be at Chris’, it’s like almost 6:30 but I’m on my way to Chris’ cuz we’re going to have dinner at his mom’s house so…i… probably won’t be able to talk later. I don’t want to be rude and all in the phone, all up on the phone. Anyway, let me know what’s going on.

Tracey! It’s Anna. I’m sorry I missed your call earlier I wasn’t paying attention. Um. Yea. Call and bother me. That sounds good. Yayyyy we’re almost done. I can’t wait. One more day. Alright. Bye.

Ey Tray-cey. Uh, It’s your neighbor Brian. Um, yea so about the security deposit (laughs). I. Don’t. Know. I mean, I know I gave him one, like, years ago when I first moved in and I mean he should give it back to you. If you’re asking for it back and there’s no damages and all that stuff, which I’m sure there’s not. However I think I owe him a couple hundred bucks in general so I’m not, I’m hoping he’s not asking me for the rest of the rent and I’m not asking him for the rest of the security deposit back, if that makes sense. Yea so if you gave him one, he owes it to you when you move out. Alright? Talk to you later.

Hey mama it’s me. I’m just calling you to let you know that we leaving now. Okay? Um, I love you, and I gonna try to give you a call later on if I can. If I not, you know I love you and I will talk to you when I get a chance, okay? Love you, talk to you later. Bye.

Hey Tracey, its Kristie…hiiiiiiiiigh. Um, give me a call when you get this message I sent you an e-mail and a couple of texts regarding Juan Jose. He danced with you at the wedding and he was really taken by you I’m trying to be neutral but um, right.. you’re not on Facebook so he can’t really contact you on his own. And I have your number but I don’t want to really give it to him without your consent. So call me, text me, and e-mail me let me know if it’s okay. Okay babe, take care. And. Congratulations on your grad school acceptance. That’s an awesome university. Can’t wait to talk to you more about that. Bye!

Hi Tracey Good Morning. When you called me the other day I was doing some catering at Tarrytown. I guess I’m just trying to return your call, and give me a call so we chat later on, alright? Have a blessed day. Thank you.

Tracitaaaa! I just saw you called. I’m getting my nails done so I didn’t have my phone handy but call me back okay I said hiii Tracey! Alright call me, I just got here. Alright.

Hi. Um (clears throat) just calling to say hello. Um haven’t spoken to you in a while. Calling to see how you’re doing. Hope all is well. Okay. Bye.

How I know I’m Getting Old…

I THINK I’M GROWN BECAUSE:

• I can tell my mom to chill out and she’s not automatically offended, or trying to smack me.
• I read Flyy Girl and The Coldest Winter Ever about 10 years ago.
• I can’t eat indiscriminately anymore, metabolism has kicked in hard!
• I don’t get ID’ed at bars, and when I do I’m flattered.
• I found a couple of gray hairs right in the front of my head.
• After the renting car abilities of 25, there’s no more cool perks to look forward to with age.

I KNOW I’M NOT GROWN BECAUSE:

• I still lie to my mother when it comes to spending the night at a guy’s house.
• Most times, I forget to brush my teeth before bed. Most adults are on top of that, right?
• I can’t watch Chucky or the Gremlins without having nightmares.
• I am still spoiled for Christmas.
• Mom still won’t tell me about issues in her life. (maybe this will never change?)
• I’m convinced being an adult is overrated, so I’d rather live somewhere in between childhood and adulthood.

Here’s to all the in-betweeners,

She