What’s Rockin’ My World: End of the School Year

There’s no shortcut through the hard stuff. So stop running from it.

-She (October 26, 2015)

The last 5 days of school/work have been the longest days. I’m trying to be patient and focus on the paperwork+packing I have to finish as I transition out of this school. But I’m so distractible and everyone is annoying me. It’s too nice to be inside!! It’s been a tough week to say the least. But it’s looking up.

Here’s what is currently rockin’ my world:

• Last Saturday was the 5 year anniversary of GlobeTracer. I wasn’t compelled to do the handwritten letter I usually do. I didn’t want to force anything. 5 years is a great milestone, I am thankful.
• Burning Questions: Why do I want to fast-forward so much? I have to learn how to feel and be in uncomfortable places. It’s not fun, but I don’t gain what I have to when I’m constantly thinking about tomorrow, or the fall. Or 2017. Or when I live somewhere else…
• I’m ready to do life with him. Being apart and seeing each other only on the weekend is starting to get to me.
• I got a new couch! It’s mine and it’s new and it’s firm. How does one break these things in?

Don’t look at my messy “office.”

• About 2 weeks until Chicago! 🙂 First trip of the summer.
• Burning Questions: What if I’m not sure what I really want? How do I know when to trust what I want is really what is right?
• I got a retirement plan. Talk about #adulting. In 30 years, I’ll be 60 years old? How????
• I’ve only read 2 books this year so far, but this summer I’ll do better!

Now it’s your turn!!

Tell me what’s currently rockin’ your world!! If this is your first time here, please say hello!

If you’re a long time reader- what’s something you want to keep reading about on the blog? why?

Thank you for visiting my little space,

-She

I’m 30, Now What?

(Part I of Unwritten Posts)

 for Shian

I’ve been 30 years old for 7 months now. Not very long, but long enough to notice some changes between my late 20’s and the third decade I have been privileged to see. These changes include (but are not limited to):

The GYM is NOT an option. My metabolism has definitely s l o w e d. However, my commitment to the gym has been a pleasant surprise with additional perks. There are great benefits to keeping a predictable schedule and not letting my monthly membership fees go to waste. For one, my physical health and stamina is reaping benefits. I know what gym routine works for me. It’s group exercise. I attend at least two classes a week, and on a good week, three. I go often enough to see familiar faces (don’t know anyone’s names yet!) and I feel an unspoken camaraderie between us. I am also pretty familiar with the dance routines, which allow more of that sense of belonging. Going to the gym has added benefits—it helps de-stress, clear my brain, and take my mind off a busy day.

BEING CHILDLESS AT 30 sparks intrusive questions. I was at a house party recently and I had a woman incessantly probe as to why I wasn’t drinking alcohol. Bish, get out my cup. I had just met her. But apparently, when people are intoxicated and small talking they feel the freedom to ask very personal questions. I realize that I’m at the age where people are usually on their second or third child. I am aware that I have a “biological clock,” however I’m not here to beat a clock. I know if that time comes for me, it’ll be when it’s supposed be.

BEING 30 and looking 23 is a blessing. Great genes are the gifts that keep on giving!

Yes, that’s really my mother. #AlltheGenes

Mental health therapy is for me.  I treat my therapy the way I would treat a monthly hair appointment, or getting my nails done. It’s the way I maintain myself on the inside.

I can’t FAKE the FUNK, home is where the couch is. If I’m cranky and don’t want to be out anymore—I’m leaving. If I have already committed to something but get stuck on the couch, “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to make it.” And in reality, even apologizing is soon to end.

I CAN’T BE OVERWORKED or STRESSED. I am a hard-worker by nature. Especially when it comes to my field, which I am SUPER passionate about. History has taught me that killing myself to make someone else money is not the move, and that “working too much” is not something I want to be known for. My life can’t be consumed by what I do and where I work. That’s just a part of me.

I PICK MY BATTLES. See previous point.

At 30, life continues to be filled with those moments that remind me how I don’t “look my age.” I’ve always felt more mature than the people who were my same age, and in my early twenties even hung out with people 5-7 years older than me. At 30, I think “10 years from now…where will I be?” How many passport stamps will I have? What coast will I be living on? Will I be happier? Will I have a published book?

These are all questions that have a direct bearing on right now. This moment. 11:44pm on a Tuesday night, sitting in front of the T.V. watching HGTV. Texting Brandon. Thinking about taking myself to the nail salon, because…I deserve pampering. The day-to-day moments that lead up to the life-altering ones.

I’m here for the moments,

She

Day in the Life VLOGs- SLP

My clinical fellowship is over. It was a bittersweet transition, but one that will probably shape the outlook on my career for the rest of my working days. Shit got real. But I made it!

I’ve been working as a licensed, certified speech language pathologist for 5 months now. Back in February, I recorded 3 videos as I went through the course of a typical day. I had recorded one in the morning when I first got in the car, but I can’t find the video. The second video shows me transitioning from one site to another site in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. I arrived home after 7pm, and talked about how I would wind my day down in the last video.

The videos serve now as great time capsules, especially something for me to revisit a few more years down the road. For now, if you are interested in the field, or just want more information about what it’s like to be a speech language pathologist feel free to visit the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association website.

Happy watching!

-She

Part One

Part Two

Thoughts In A Coffee Shop

I feel like a different me. And now I look like a different me.

I can say confidently that I am happy with the recent changes that I’ve made in my life. The decision to change my job wasn’t one that I took lightly. It was something that was building up for some time, and with a new school year approaching, I couldn’t wait much longer to either stay or go. I couldn’t sacrifice my self-esteem and happiness for another year. What does happiness have to do with it?

Every thang, as far as I’m concerned. If you’re happy in your place of work, everyone wins. But time after time, people stay in positions they hate because…(insert excuse here).

One of the books I’m currently reading (All About Love) talks about happiness and work. “Doing a job you hate assaults your self-esteem” and although I love what I do and the families I service, I could not stand the COMPANY I worked for. The amount of work and extraness was something I was not prepared for. I felt like I was playing catch-up since I started. I didn’t trust the authenticity of the people I was around. I felt like the environment was superficial, my well-being was a concern only to the extent that it would affect the company negatively. One thing about me is I’m a perfectionist. I self-assess way too much. It’s a gift for employers and a curse for people who can’t shut their brains off about what they could have done better. Either way, the decision was final.

And I am here now. The roller coaster of events that followed (spearheaded by a bitter and disgruntled boss) were a test of managing anxiety, of keeping “dramatizations” in my head under control, and of reminding myself that I would get past this. That I wasn’t crazy for wanting more, and knowing I deserved better.

Now I’m on the over side of that mountain. But the “what if’s?” are still present. As I delve deeper and deeper into my new position, I am getting an opportunity to learn more and more about myself and I am learning that finding the “best” setting for me is going to take some time. If I have to keep finding different settings to see what fits, that’s okay too. Plenty of people in my field do it, because they can. I’m not apologizing for my happiness.

MOTS: Don’t sacrifice your happiness because you think you’ll disappoint someone.