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Write the things you need to hear:

You will be successful in your business.

Slow and steady consistency is the key. Successful businesses are not built overnight.

You’re a brilliant writer. Write when you are happy, when you are full, and when you need to be filled.

Holidays without family are understandably tough. This holiday season could be the start of new traditions.

Take time to enjoy where you are. You’re in a good place.

You are on a great path, enjoy the sights.

You are loved. People think about you daily, and pray for you too.

Pray for your family more. Pray for the country.

Make more phone calls.

What About Your Friends?

For many women, friends are our primary partners through life; they are the ones who move us into new homes, out of bad relationships, through births and illnesses.

-Rebecca Traister’s book

Female friendships are a topic I’ve avoided writing about. I have so many thoughts around the subject and yet nothing I felt would add anything meaningful to this blog. It’s true that I become wholly self-aware and self-conscious around the topic. However I’m here, attacking my trigger.

Where do I begin? So let me say that the age of online friendships is a gift and a curse. I blame Facebook. With the click of a button, you “Friend” someone. Is that all it takes? A passive, mindless act? You may never personally message that person, write on that person’s wall, or even have to remember that person’s birthday (FB does it for you.) But you made a new friend. On the other hand, when I learned of my acceptance into Howard University, I took to Twitter. I couldn’t anticipate the people who extended themselves like @PeaceLuvNicole. We met within weeks, and that made the transition a bit easier. There are people who are eager about taking the relationship offline, and I love and appreciate that. I started becoming more and more comfortable with the idea that I could meet some quality people by just initiating the gesture. Although I dealt with general anxiety from moving to a city where I knew 2 people and had no family, Twitter peoples helped through the process. 

Everyone is quick to “like” my minor triumphs and “heart” my Instagram photos — passive interaction has become the default setting, the status quo.

-Felicia Sullivan

I can make friends easier online. You learn a lot about someone based on what they post. It’s not the ideal way, but it’s easy, less risky and convenient. It’s passive. Trying to make friends in real life involves risk. Meeting strangers hoping and praying it leads to something can be disappointing.

Does she like me?

Does she think I’m talking too much?

Am I talking too much?

She’s so fashionable. I wish I could dress like that.

I’m 30 years old, why is this so difficult?

Truth is, I have a lot of standards because I invest a lot when I care for someone. To me, my standards are like the bare minimum of cultivating and sustaining a friendship.

1. Thou must not be flaky. I’ve experienced a lot of people that will make plans one day, then inform me the day of that they can’t make it. REPEATEDLY.
2. Thou must spend quality time. This is my love language, not negotiable. It’s the main reason why I make the effort to see friends that don’t live nearby. We connect when we are actually together.
3. Thou must show REAL LIFE effort. Check-in with one another, attempt to go out and do stuff. You know, real basic and mutual.

I understand that different people need different things from friendships. I’ve always wanted a group of “girlfriends” that I could count on to do life together with. My history with friends has never amounted to that. It’s not to say it won’t happen, maybe it will take some adjusting of expectations.

Some posts worth exploring:

What the Market Will Bear: The Long Game of Female Friendships

Sorry I’ve Been a Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter

Things I want to tell my mom

I think that a most special relationship is one between mother and daughter. I’m always fascinated to read fiction books about mothers and daughters, I tear up when I see special moments on TV, or even in real life. I’m aware of all the complexities that exist between being mothered, having to alter that relationship when daughter becomes an adult, and then possibly daughter becoming caretaker down the road. It truly does come full circle.

My mom became a teenage mother without having had a nurturing mother herself. There is a long list of qualities and knowledge she didn’t have, or possess when she became a mother. I can list many things I wish my mother did better. No parent is perfect. Instead of highlighting things that cannot be changed, I’d rather tell my mother some things I think she did superbly well.

Lisa Bonet and Zoe.

Mom, 

I accept you for who you are. I don’t blame you for anything that you may feel you could have done better in raising me because I think you did the best you could have done with what you were given. Thank you for sharing with me about your past, I know it’s not easy for you to talk about after all this time.

I feel very blessed to have such a spunky and open-minded mother. I don’t have to worry about being someone I’m not, for you to approve. If I wanted to spend my days writing a book on a Greek island, I know you would support me. If I was anti-marriage, you would say “I understand.” If I decided to only eat red meat during odd numbered years, you would just ask “Are you eating meat this year?” with no judgment. You don’t try to impose your views on me and I respect that.

I know that we live States away from each other and you lead a very busy working life. I wish you didn’t have to work so hard, and I have big goals in my professional life to ease your load. As long as I can help, I will do so with no lament.

Thank you for sending me to California and South Carolina during some summers and exposing me to life outside of New York City. Thank you for making Christmases special and taking care of the cats I always wanted but didn’t want to actually clean after. Thank you for simply being there. Thank you for not accepting sub-par penmanship on my homework. Thank you for sending me greeting cards for every occasion and even for no occasion. Thank you for giving me a chance against many odds. 

With Love,

your daughter.

I’m Nesting…

Hi you all lovely readers!! I’ve neglected to write in sometime, but I’m glad to see my page visits haven’t totally flatlined… Since my last day of work in a school-based setting (June 13th) I had searched and searched for apartments/townhomes/condos, packed and purged almost ALL of the paperwork I was carrying around since 2011 (finally!), signed a lease, and am ready for the next chapter. My boyfriend and I will be officially living together. We are moving to a new state. We have come a long way to get here. I feel blessed.

The glo’ up is real! Summer is officially here and I am ready to eat all the foods. I am ready to ride on some roller coasters, drink some wine, visit a new place, frolic in my bathing suit, and make plans for the next major trip. I am ready to celebrate 32! SO many great things to look forward to as I enjoy the summer off. I started this blog when I was turning 26! It’s been 6 awesome years, and so many accomplishments since then.

So, back to the title of this post. No, I’m not pregnant (as far as I know…) I was trying to find the word for the intense feeling you get when you move into a new place and you want everything clean, readied and perfect! I am in love with our new condo! It has nothing in it and it’s perfect. We are not officially moving until next weekend but my feeling is because it’s already paid for… I want to be there right now, every minute, every hour…even if it’s sleeping on an air bed, drinking out of red Solo cups with no Wi-fi. I want to make the place my home. There should be a word for that. What do you think?

Besides that, this move has really gotten me to start thinking about what I really want for our space. I want a minimalist space. Right now, I don’t have minimalist tendencies so this is the issue (I currently have a mental list of the things we NEED for our space.) We get a clean slate with a new place and I really, really want a Less is More attitude and feel. I’ve started listening to the Minimalists podcast to guide me. There are so many perks to embracing this lifestyle; spending less, focusing on more important things, getting on track with finances and saving…I’ll keep ya’ll updated on the status.

In the meantime, I wish ya’ll a happy Fourth!  Enjoy family, friends, and stay safe!

Cheers to new beginnings,