Roommateship: Dilemma

I’ve been sitting on this post for a couple of days. It wasn’t a post sitting in Drafts but it was an idea that was first conceived after a conversation with one of my 8 year old patients and metastasized after events from this weekend. An issue that was weighing on me from work has now been resolved and consequently cleared some mental space in which I can release some more thoughts as it relates to my living situation.

ME: Ms. Clarke is feeling tired today.
HIM: maybe you can take a nap when you get home.

ME: That sounds like a good idea, because I am going straight home after speech.

HIM: you don’t have a son?

ME: No.

HIM: so you don’t have anybody. just you by yourself?

ME: I have a roommate.

Many of you readers and friends wonder and ask how things are going with my roommate. In reality things are “cool.” I don’t have a roommate by choice. I don’t know that anyone wants or choses a roommate, if they can afford living without one. When I first applied for my 2 bedroom apartment, I was ecstatic about many things (namely, the cat I was going to adopt). Mostly, the freedom of having my own space. A couple of months after moving in, I enjoyed the space, however I decided it was TOO MUCH space for me. Then, of course, I realized that depression and living alone don’t necessarily help one another. There would be times were the apartment would be sooo quiet, and I would sleep hours away. No one around to check on me, to wake me up, or to talk to.

The financial responsibilities started piling up. And the stress of paying the bills by myself was making me enjoy my own space less and less. What have I gotten myself into? I was spending more than half my paycheck on rent! How could I be so dumb signing that lease?

I had gotten a 2 bedroom after the leasing office offered an available apartment. The difference between a one bedroom and a 2 bedroom was less than $20. My own home office? Sure! When it was time to consider my options, the 2 bedroom proved a great idea and gave me the opportunity to rent a room out. The hardest part would be screening strangers for roommates. I searched local church classifieds for “Christian” young women looking for rooms to rent.

I had at least 4-6 interviewees. There was one who ate food I had “fixed” and sipped a glass of wine with me. I chose her, and she chose me.

My roommate and I are opposites.

She’s a girly-girl, who loves fashion and clothing. She has bags and bags of clothing.

I have boxes and boxes of graduate school paperwork.

She’s loud and has lots of girlfriends.

I don’t.

But most importantly, I am a considerate person when it comes to noise in a shared space.

This past Saturday night, I was woken up from a delicious slumber at 4am to loud giggles, walking and banter about finding food to eat. My roommate had a friend over from New York. They came in drunk from the club.

I didn’t come out of the room until like 20 minutes after they arrived. It was blatantly inconsiderate and although I hate confrontation I also love sleep more. Before I could say much, she said “Hey girl, I didn’t realize you were here.”

Uhhh. I do live here, right?

I didn’t say that but I wanted to. For all the times I want to wake up early on Saturday mornings and blast some inspirational music to make it easier to bare heading to work. For all the times I have offered food I prepared, or shared something I actually hate sharing with people. I was angry. I am angry. I operate under “she’s home” unless there’s proof that she’s not when I enter my apartment. Is that a bad thing?

Next morning I get an apology text from her (something about “drunken moments” and “I didn’t think you were home.”). I didn’t respond because I feel like she should say something face-to-face.

Am I taking it too far? What would you do/feel?

Have you ever lived with an inconsiderate roommate?

Roommate-With-Courtesy,

She

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9 thoughts on “Roommateship: Dilemma

  1. We share a similar room mate experience! The other Sunday after I came home from church , I stepped into an apt. full of men laughing and carrying on. I walked past the kitchen, greeted my room mate and bee-lined straight to my room. I get it from my dad I know I do (well at least my mom says I do lol) hating confrontation that is. As much as I deem myself an extrovert and outgoing I do like scratch that love my personal space and would rather be in my room with a candle or two music or watching YouTube or netflix and tea or a glass of wine. Is that so wrong? So anyway when I finally escape my room later that night my roommate was stunned to see me stating “i was like was she asleep or just not home I was sort of worried”. And this is typical of us. He and his boyfriend throw parties and I hide out in my room. Although I am invited and he always saves me a plate I just feel bad but then I realize this us who I am and I can’t change that just to seem courteous…we just have to embrace each other and learn to accept with each other …. And yeah the text should have been a face to face but take it for what it is. Not everyone expresses themselves in the same way and I mean that literally and figuratively.

    1. I don’t know what I would do with “socialite” roommates. I need my quiet time a lot, I’m even internally happy when my roommate is not home and I have a couple of minutes to myself.

  2. No, you’re not taking it too far. In fact, you dealt with it much better than most people would. I dislike confrontation as well. I have no idea how I would have dealt with it.
    I pray everything works out for the better.

  3. A text? Drunken moments? No, you are not taking this too far. C’mon it was 4am. She knew that you were in your room asleep.

    Yes, I’ve had an inconsiderate roommate in the past. She was “a good girl” who left the nest and became drunk with freedom. It was a disaster. Many times I tried to be considerate with the way I voiced my displeasure but there were times when I was not concerned about her feelings and gave her the business straight up.

    What would I have done? Being that it was 4am and I had been callously awakened by the roommate and her cackling friends, I would probably have said exactly what was on my mind.

    1. Well I was rather calm confronting her, the anger came the next day and I didn’t get to actually share with her how upsetting it was because we weren’t home for some nights during the same time. Things got awkward and now they are back to normal. Just praying it was an isolated incident.

  4. We are similar in our roommate style. I was the quiet considerate one. My roommate and I were “friends” so I just let things that annoyed me slide, but then one day I completely lost it and exploded on her. Everything that I had suppressed for months started bubbling up. I have learned that it is important to set boundaries sooner than later. Otherwise you all will be walking on eggshells around each other. I am starting school soon and although I would save a ton of money by getting a roommate, I’m going to go solo this time around.

    1. “Friends” no more I presume? lol I definitely agree, about setting boundaries and hopefully this will be my last experience with a roommate because I’m just over this life. Unlike you, I’ve never “blown” up and that’s part of what makes it hell for me, having things build up and not acknowledging how angry I am. I think you’re making a great decision re solo living, just have to be more conscious about budgeting and overspending on your ownl

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