Change. The only constant, as they say.
There’s been many, many changes going on AROUND ME since and before my last post of September 21st.
- I got a real life job, in which I’m responsible for children’s communicative progress, and am also responsible for counseling and guiding their parents on the journey. I work for a pediatric private practice in which I see children from 2-12 years old. I am also contracted to a middle school, which I work 3 mornings a week.
- I moved into my own apartment, full of expansive opportunity and eerie silence.
- I began learning all the things you only learn on the job; co-workers temperaments, who I could confide in, protocols for addressing problems and concerns, how to advocate for myself and learning how to say “no.”
- I’ve become financially stressed with the sole responsibilities of rent, bills, gas, and everyday expenses.
- I leave work and dread the idea of going home to do more work (mainly, paperwork).
So basically, I am now a functioning adult in society.
Except, I’ve been barely functioning. I never stopped to acknowledge how much I have also changed in these past couple of months. This time last year my biggest responsibilities were self-serving. I prepared for exams and took copious notes, and today, I deal with more than just students or clients. I am responsible for lives. I talk to parents that want to know when their child will be “fixed” and what causes comprehension issues…
My current life beckons that I take all my “book knowledge” and practically apply it, fake it until I make it, and also cultivate skills I’ve never had to use before. I have to reassure a parent that there’s hope for more consistent progress with their child, make connections (ask questions to parents, offer information about myself) and be more open than Tracey naturally would. The Burgeoning clinician has to come out of Tracey’s shell. The Burgeoning clinician has to make small talk, The Burgeoning clinician has to think outside of direct therapy with the client, but to how the disability or delay affects the family and what “team” effort means in the regard. The Burgeoning clinician has to know what she doesn’t know, and also be humble enough to admit that some answers come with experience which comes with time.
It’s a lot. But, baby steps. And with the seasons changing, I’m changing not only on the inside…but I am at one of those moments in my life (i.e.: remember this post?) where I NEED to see a different person looking back at me in the mirror.
A woman who smiles more, who is taking it one day at a time, who is having a difficult transition from student to full time professional…but, baby steps.
I’m trying on a new crown, just needs some adjusting.